


Reflection

by Spnaos



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Negative Thoughts, Skipping Meals, or at least a hopeful one, self-deprecating thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 18:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21360727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spnaos/pseuds/Spnaos
Summary: Roman is extremely self-conscious. He keeps seeing his own reflection, and his thoughts run wild.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 61





	Reflection

Roman fumbled in the dark for his phone to turn off the unbearable sound that every morning made sure he wouldn’t miss a new day of hell.

After having lain in the quiet darkness for a few minutes he pulled off his comforter and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. When his feet hit the ice-cold floor he was ready to crawl right back into bed and give everyone and everything that tried to disturb him one big ‘Fuck you!’

When he finally gathered the strength to stand up, he slowly walked towards the bathroom. On his way out there he passed the kitchen, but he had no appetite so he decided to skip breakfast. It wouldn’t hurt him to lose a few pounds so it was probably for the best. No one told him he was doing more harm than good.

He studied his reflection in the mirror while brushing his teeth. He hated looking at himself. Every time he did that his mind automatically started pointing out all his imperfections. Yup, they were all still there, he thought to himself.

It was obvious to see that he was tired. He had dark circles under his eyes. The result of only sleeping for three hours. He always went to bed rather late. It was the only way he was able to fall asleep quickly. He would rather be tired the day after than lie awake with only his thoughts as company for hours while trying to fall asleep. Everything but that.

While trying to find clothes for the day his eyes found his reflection in the mirror once again, and he started counting the imperfections. This time he found a few more. The shirt he had put on was too tight and it made him look like a potato. At least he thought it did.

After having tried on several different outfits he finally found the one. He did look one extra time in the mirror to make sure it didn’t make him look weird.

He approved the outfit and made his way to school.

With music in his ears, he sat on the bus on his way to a long day of school. He tried to focus on the mesmerizing sunrise that was painted on the sky so he didn’t have to see his reflection in the bus window. The ugliest thing he knew looking out at the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. What a weird thing.

The bus driving over a bump on the road pulled him back to reality. He looked around the bus. Watching the other passengers.

Every time he left the safety of his room and wandered out into the real world, he felt like everything became a competition. Who had the best smile, the most beautiful hair, the hottest body, the prettiest eyes? Who was the smartest? The most popular?

Not you, Roman, he always thought to himself. You will never win that competition. You aren’t even good enough to compete. 

On his way up to the school, he walked past a group of people his age. They were laughing at a joke somebody had told, but it was like the laughter pressed a button in Roman’s head. A button that released all his anxious thoughts.

Were they laughing at him?

Was he walking weird?

Did the wind somehow mess up his hair?

Were the clothes he had chosen not good enough?

The only thought he didn’t have was that the people had just had a funny conversation.

He looked down hurried past them.

When he looked up again he caught his reflection in a car window. He quickly averted his eyes and walked faster.

The whole school day went with him trying to focus, but he was just so distracted by his thoughts. 

He looked at his reflection in the window while reflecting on himself.

He was such a hypocrite. Every time his friend Virgil came to him with the same insecurities as his own, he didn’t hesitate to help. He did everything he could to lighten his mood. He gave him lots of hugs and told him he was beautiful just the way he was. He told him he shouldn’t worry about what other people thought of him. He should just be himself.

And here he was, not listening to his own advice. Why didn’t he listen to his own words?

Maybe he just needed someone else to say them.

Right as he finished that thought, he felt someone tap his shoulder. When turned around, he was greeted by a warm smile and worried eyes behind round glasses. They asked him the question that he so many times before had answered: “I’m fine, just tired” to.

“Are you okay?”

This time, though, he let all his thoughts flow out like a waterfall.

When he was done, he felt a thousand times lighter. However, he also felt like he just jumped out from the second floor. Was it a mistake to have told a stranger all this? What if they didn’t care?

Would he plummet to the ground and break every single bone in his body? 

Or would the stranger be ready to catch him?

The words he received back caught him, put him gently on the ground and embraced him.

“You know, kiddo, we all have imperfections. Things we’re insecure about. Nobody is perfect. We don’t have to like our imperfections. We just have to accept that they’re there and that it is okay they’re there” 

Roman immediately started crying, and the boy in front of him hugged him tightly. 

“I’m Patton,” he said while taking Roman’s hands in his “Please know that if this feeling ever becomes too overwhelming, you can always come to me”

Roman nodded as Patton brushed away the tears from his cheeks.

The rest of the day Patton’s words flowed through his mind and pushed all the negative thoughts away.

That evening he looked at himself in the mirror and counted the imperfections. They were still there. He hadn’t fully accepted them or learned that it was okay that they were there, but he was ready to work on it.

He gave his reflection a smile and went to bed.

Maybe the day tomorrow wouldn’t be a living hell.

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you liked it.
> 
> Come chat on Tumblr: [patton-birdie](https://patton-birdie.tumblr.com/)  
I need friends


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